Living With ED
Here is an excerpt from the book Back to Great Sex: Overcome ED and Reclaim Lost Intimacy, by Ridwan Shabsigh, MD (Copyright 2002, Kensington Books.) Written as a guide for men who have ED, this book may help you as you explore your sexual health.
The first step in getting back to great sex is simple — stop making excuses. Problems in the bedroom, whether physical or psychological, whether male or female, thrive on silence. Stop the excuses and rationalization. Start communicating — with your partner and your doctor — to get on your way back to great sex.
Every time I interview a new patient, I ask a standard question: "How long have you had this problem?" And almost without fail, I am astonished to hear that my patient has put up with ED for months, years, even decades. He's come up with all types of excuses for not discussing his most intimate problem with his doctor.
I've heard every possible excuse and reason you can imagine. And you know what? There really is no excuse. There are many ways to regain sexual function. Few patients leave my office feeling that there's nothing that can be done for them. There is hope, no matter what the cause.
Let me share with you some of the excuses I've heard over the years. Perhaps one of them is yours.
It doesn't really matter.Let me first say, it does matter. Your sexual dysfunction can diminish and complicate your life. It can lead to a reduction in the quality of life, depression, frustration, and stress and cause conflicts in your relationships and your job. If you were in constant pain from a knee injury to the point that you had difficulty walking, wouldn't you seek help? You would know almost immediately that your dysfunction would limit your life: you couldn't walk around an amusement park, you couldn't go dancing on Saturday nights with your wife, you couldn't walk the golf course as you used to, and your tennis days would be over. Your quality of life would be lowered and you would go and get help. Just because your knee is not as personal as your penis doesn't excuse you from talking to your doctor.
I'm too old.Just because you're getting older does not mean you have stopped desiring or enjoying sex. Sex is generally desirable, enjoyable, and quite common even among those of advanced age. Although age is the most proven risk factor for ED, it is not inevitable that you have to stop having sex just because you've turned 50 or 60 or even 80. Sometimes ED moves in on the coat-tails of other unwanted guests of the aging body: diabetes, high blood pressure, stress, depression, and heart disease. It can also result from long-standing bad habits: smoking, alcoholism, or use of illegal drugs. But none of those factors, or your age, should stop you from seeking help to restore great sex.
Maybe it will go away.No, ED rarely goes away on its own. It thrives on silence. It may show up silently because of an underlying condition, but if you ignore it, it won't just vanish overnight. It'll creep deeper into your mind, spoil your relationships, and steal your contentment. Ignoring it won't make it go away — it will only complicate the matter.
It will be better when I'm not so stressed about work.Stress has a way of affecting many aspects of your life, and ED can show up arm-in-arm with stress. But if your stress eases and ED is still around, you'd better make a call to your doctor.
It must be my high blood pressure medication.It is true that many medications can affect your sexual function, and your high blood pressure may also be at fault. But either way, you don't have to live with the ED. Call your doctor and explain the problem. He might be able to adjust the dosage of your medication or change your prescription. Either remedy may alleviate your ED. Whatever you do, don't stop taking your high blood pressure medication. Work with your doctor or other healthcare professional.
It's my partner's fault.Here's a complicated problem. Although your partner may not enjoy sex as much as before, owing to her age and changes in her body, she is not the cause of your ED. You need to seek professional help to find out the underlying reason for your sexual problem, whether it be from a medical doctor, a marriage counselor, or both. You can work this out with open and honest communication. In most cases the cause of ED is complicated with several contributing factors.
I just need to relax.Stress, anxiety, and depression can affect your performance, but if the problem continues, even after a long relaxing weekend, or the stressful event is long past, you need to call your doctor or other healthcare professional.
I need a vacation.Sorry, but in all likelihood, ED will come along with you on a vacation. Just like a persistent untreated cough or indigestion doesn't stay behind when you leave for vacation, neither does ED.
I'm probably just drinking too much.Although alcohol has some effect on sexual function, it usually takes prolonged and excessive drinking to damage the nervous system to the extent that ED results. An occasional glass of wine with dinner will not necessarily adversely affect your sexual function.
It's all in my head.Chances are it's not. Very few cases of ED are solely psychologically based. Talk to your doctor or other healthcare professional. What might really be a physical problem can soon also become a psychological one.
It's too embarrassing to talk about.Most people find very personal things embarrassing to talk about. Most people don't want to discuss money matters honestly unless they are talking to their financial adviser or their broker — they are usually embarrassed to admit how much (or little) they are worth. The same is true with our sex lives. But you should be comfortable talking about this private part of your life with a professional — your doctor.
I don't know whom to ask.Start first with your primary care physician. He or she will be able to help you or direct you to a specialist. Otherwise, check the listings at the end of this book to get you started in finding the help you need and deserve.
So, which excuse do you like to use? By now you realize that there are no excuses and no simple answers. Your sexuality is complex. And when you have a problem, there's usually not just a simple solution like rest or a vacation or a prescription. Your body doesn't work independently from your brain, and in turn, both of them don't work apart from your interactions with other people.
"Sex is not only an erection, and relationship and love are not only sex" is a wise statement. Sexual dysfunction affects you as a whole person: your mind, your body, your self-esteem, and your partner. Your best treatment will come when you realize you need to treat the whole self, not just one part.
Drop the excuses. Stop procrastinating. It's time to educate yourself so you are ready to ask intelligent questions of your doctor, discuss your feelings with your partner, and get back to great sex.
The information contained here is provided from a third-party publication as a courtesy to our visitors. It is not to be considered an endorsement by Eli Lilly and Company. Remember, only your doctor or other healthcare professional can determine if you have erectile dysfunction and if treatment is right for you.
