Restarting Your Sex Life

Here is an excerpt from the book Back to Great Sex: Overcome ED and Reclaim Lost Intimacy, by Ridwan Shabsigh, MD (Copyright 2002, Kensington Books). Written as a guide for men who have ED, this book may help you as you explore your sexual health.

Once you've found an effective treatment for your ED (and it may take more than one try), you'll move into a new stage of awareness — your newfound sexuality. From my experience most couples have not enjoyed sex to the fullest because of ED for several years. That's a long time to miss out on a sexual relationship with your partner. And you may find that you're a little out of practice. Having successful and satisfying sex after several years of dysfunction may take a little time and some patience to achieve the level of pleasure that you remember. But it's a little like playing tennis or playing the piano: you never really forget how, but you're a bit unsteady and unsure of yourself the first time you try again. Practice and patience will soon restore your confidence and ability.

You may also have to work on your romancing techniques. That goes for both partners. Work on recapturing the romance, the tenderness, and the touching that filled your early courting and dating days. Some couples find that when they stop having intercourse, they also stop fondling, caressing, or kissing. One patient of mine said, "We just stopped showing affection for each other since we were afraid to start something we couldn't finish." If that's happened to you and your partner, start rekindling the passion in your relationship by first resuming the touching, the caressing, and the kissing. Touch each other throughout the day, maybe for no special reason. Pat his arm, hold her hand, brush her cheek, give him a hug, sit close to each other while watching TV whether it's the 10 o'clock news or a romantic movie, greet each other with a hug and kiss every time you come home, and prolong your good night kiss. You may have to work at this at first, but gradually you will become more comfortable with being physically close. After you become comfortable with general affection, participate in more sensual touching by applying lotion on your partner's body, or giving each other a back rub or massage. Rekindle the joy and pleasure of touching. Gradually resume caressing each other. Become comfortable again with being passionate and showing affection. You're going to need to reclaim those techniques in order to eventually be successful at sexual intercourse. To use the famous baseball analogy: You might not hit a home run the first time up at bat after several years of sitting in the dugout, but you certainly don't want to strike out.

If you feel you're working at restoring the passion, but aren't making sufficient progress or haven't progressed to sexual intercourse, see your doctor. He or she may have some additional advice or suggestions, or may decide it's time for you to see a professional counselor or sex therapist. A successful sex life is possible. If you've come this far and have sought treatment, don't stop before you reach your ultimate goal: having great sex again!

Okay, so you've got the romance and foreplay under control. Let's talk about what to expect. If it's been a long time since you've had a rigid erection, the results of your treatment may surprise you and your partner. Your newfound virility will have restored your erection to an excellent firmness. This may be a little off-putting to your partner, especially if she is past menopause and experiencing vaginal dryness. In order for intercourse not to be painful for her, be sure to use an over-the-counter lubricant.

You can restore the romance, the foreplay, and the erection, but one thing still remains a concern for many of my patients and their partners – the spontaneity of sex. At the time of writing this book, all treatments for ED require some planning and preparation for achieving an erection. For some of my patients, the loss of spontaneity is the most difficult aspect of "life after ED" to accept. They have to work at adjusting to the preplanning involved. Talk to your doctor about your need for spontaneity in making love when you are selecting the proper treatment.

Be Safe
Some patients with ED might be trying to resume their sex life after a long time of having no sexual partner. The various treatments of ED are effective in restoring erectile function, but remember that they offer no protection from sexually transmitted diseases. If you feel the need to know more about this subject, ask your doctor or turn to some of the reading material in the library or on the Internet.

The information contained here is provided from a third-party publication as a courtesy to our visitors. It is not to be considered an endorsement by Eli Lilly and Company. Remember, only your doctor or other healthcare professional can determine if you have erectile dysfunction and if treatment is right for you.



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